why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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