Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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