We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
