I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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