Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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