He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
