The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
and you fell through a lawn chair
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
