He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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