I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize