they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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