This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
