i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
