Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize