i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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