Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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