I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
