Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
