why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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