I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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