High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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