I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
