is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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