Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
