he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
