Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
