In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
