a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
