So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
