I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
