matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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