Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
