I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
