no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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