I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
