I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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