I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
