i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
