Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
