How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
