I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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