Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
