everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize