if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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