just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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