his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
