STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just high enough for therapy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
