then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
