just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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