you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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