why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
