I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
