After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ketchup is God's man juice
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
