some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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