We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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