She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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