he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
