Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
