I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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