Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
