It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
