Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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