We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
FUCK WHALES
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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