kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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