I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
