Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize