I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
