Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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