Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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