You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
