your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
