david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
