Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
