I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
4 words: hood of his car
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
