Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
