Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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