Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
