I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
