did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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