My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
