How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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