The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
