Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
