so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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