I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize