so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
