After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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