Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
