I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
