So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
