Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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