Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well you can't waste a boner
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
