i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
