ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
