thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
