I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
