he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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