Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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