Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
