Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
