Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
