I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
