WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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