that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
