Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My vagina just recognized that song.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize