my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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