Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
3 2 1 whiskey
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
